You kissed the razorblade
Right before you drove it through my chest
The closest anything from your lips
Has ever been to my heart
Words, kisses, its all the same
None of it ever meant a damn thing
I know that now, as you spill this blood from my veins
All these years, you've been slowly driving my life force away
I've suffered your wrath, and the culmination is now
The knife reaches my soul, and carves it right out
You've taken my life now, and I won't ever get it back
Its been years now, but I just realized
I've been under attack
Your words and your looks, always stinging me deep
My dignity is yours
Never was my own to keep
Not once you were in my life
Always fighting to bring me down
I never managed to realize how much better off I'd be
With you, never around
But its too late now, as you've destroyed my heart tonight
And I can't figure out what to do
As I lie there, without a sound
I reach out from my sides and open my eyes...
Only to realize I'm underground
Six feet deep, is where you've left me
And in this box is where I'll stay
Forever, with no one around...
COMMENTS
This is really strange for you but I really like it. As I told you, I love the intricacy of the form, and the structure. I also like the consistency throughout each stanza.
Favorite parts:
"Five main parties, four years in a term
Three different answers, to the same damn question
One man will serve, though none are deserving"
"I Render The Bullets with anger
Spewn forth into a microphone
Surrender your bullets
And let everyone come home..."
also, the title is pretty witty.
COMMENTS
Things that stick out to me:
fate and flesh
mangled bodies
half-hearted groans
This is really deep and intriguing. Filled with horrific, bloodsoaked imagery. I love the descriptions you used, it makes it seem very real...and I like the fact that it doesn't end as strongly as most of the rest of your stuff. It leads the reader to realize that the tragedy, the suffering will never end, which lends a huge amount of knowledge that overshadows and taints everything else as you look back on this piece.
You've brought me this feeling again...
A feeling I haven't felt in so long...
Hold me tight
As I speak your name
From no one's lips
Would "I Love You"
Sound the same
I'll forever be
Adoringly In Your Arms, Now & Always
And I know that you care
When I feel your fingers in my hair
I know just what love is
When I feel your kiss
And I know why
When I look into your eyes
I'll hold you close
So you'll always know
How much I need you
No words are needed
You speak enough with your eyes
I'll feel you in my heart
For the rest of my life
My world is so much better
When you are around
No words are needed
Not even a sound
Hold me tight
As I speak your name
From no one's lips
Would "I Love You"
Sound the same
I'll forever be
Adoringly In Your Arms, Now & Always
I've fallen for you...
Like the sun on an everlasting eve...
I can feel you in my heart...
And I know you'll never leave...
I don't think I'll shake this
This memory of you
How did you awaken this
This memory of you
I thought it was gone
Swallowed down by my soul
But here I am
Stuck again, in this hole
I thought I had moved on
I guess I was wrong
I thought I had regained
What was lost for so long
I thought I had survived this
I thought this pain was gone
Now I'm back on the road, searching
For a place where I belong
I don't think I'll shake this
This memory of you
How did you awaken
This memory of you
I wish I could erase
This memory of you
But its impossible to forget
The memory
Of a love once so true...
If you stray too far
I won't be visible when you turn back
I'll be too far to catch you when you fall
I don't wanna lose you, but you're pushing away
Falling away
And I feel you slipping
More and more, each day
As each day turns to night
I still wonder if you're alright
I miss you each and every time
You've been gone so damn long
And still, I'm not fine
You're always on my mind
You've strayed too far
I only see you in my head
And between these picture frames
I feel like I've lost you, you've pushed away
Fallen away
I'm feeling nothing now
Less and less, each day
As each day passes
Life feels more and more like a fight
I know I've lost you, I feel dead inside
I miss you constantly
You've been gone so damn long
But still, I won't be fine
Never be fine
You'll always haunt my mind
COMMENTS
(offering my opinion like you asked :P)
You're really good, Stephen :)
Can tell all these lyrics mean something to you and come from your heart
A+
So is this one... you write lotsa sad things, but they're still great.
Where am I?
Aside from, by your side
What am I?
Aside from, your love
Who am I?
Aside from, your sweetheart
When am I?
Aside from, in our moment
Why am I?
Does anything else even matter?
You are my world
And love is our galaxy
Through time and through space
Reaching out to the furthest reaches
Nothing but love in our lives
No concerns with our lows
When we are so often at our highs
Strip away the conventional
Leave out the deceit and the lies
We're in effect when together
The thought of you
Constantly controls my mind
And the thought of us
Brings reason to my life
Where are you?
Aside from, in my light
What are you?
Aside from, my life
Who are you?
Aside from, my angel
When are you?
Aside from, forever and always
Why are you?
Nothing else even matters
A war with no reason
Is a war we cannot win
Enough!
Its time to bring them home
So their families aren't alone
Alone, on the homefront
The time has come
Let them come back home
A war with no reason
Is a war we cannot win
A war we cannot win
Is a war that will not end
This war was wrong to begin with
Enough!
We cannot allow this
Any longer
This futile war
Isn't making our nation
Any stronger
And I, for one
Am done
We've had enough
A war without reason...
A war without reason...
That was wrong from the beginning
A war without reason
Is a war that will never end
Enough!
Its time to bring them home
So their families aren't alone
Alone, on the homefront
The time has come
Let them come back home
A war without reason
Is a war we cannot win
A war we cannot win
Is a war that will not end
A war...
Is a reason...
For an uprising...
To begin
COMMENTS
-
Aiyana
14:41 Oct 30 2008
It seems really sad, but I love it ^-^ Just like I love everything you write
erin88
14:52 Oct 30 2008
(commenting like you ask :P)
I know who this is "sorta" about.. Lady is a bitch lol.
You need to sit down one day and let it alllll out :)
TaintedAngel14
00:50 Oct 31 2008
SUPER!, alittle depressing, but i enjoyed it. it has alor of rhythem to it.
Firedrake
06:27 Oct 31 2008
the storyline sounds familiar.....
Kryptick
03:12 Jul 01 2009
This is really good. The first section is flawless, beautiful, and comes across crystal clear.
The second section, the rhyme scheme is a little choppy to be read smoothly after reading the first section, but it's still really good.
The concept is heartbreaking, but interesting and heartfelt. Overall, very good.